By Shiloh O. Akinyemi

It seems that in the midst of anguish and gnashing of teeth, #Kemi Olunloyo, a blogger who cares less about emotions while plying her trade for profit, constantly enjoys choosing a perspective that not only tramples upon the grave of the dead, but also burdens the family and friends (#Frank Edwards in this case) of the deceased for the rest of their life.

She claims Frank Edwards has been sleeping with Late Evangelist Osinachi Nwachukwu. Oluloyo as we all know will always have her own twist to every story.

Look at the case of #Justice for Sylvester Omoruyi for example. After reading her twist to the story, I couldn’t help but wonder. If she had lost her empathy as a mother in Sylvester’s case, did she also lose her identity as a woman in this case? Or like Bobrisky, is she also on a mind confusion adventure?

Hearing about the death of this gifted singer Osinachi Nwanchukwu was a shocker, but the cause of her death wasn’t in the least surprising.
I see everywhere on Social Media that almost everyone has an opinion to share, ranging from the late singer being stuck in an abusive marriage, to the role the church had to play in keeping her in an abusive marriage.

It constantly amazes me how people of the world are quick to point fingers at the church, someone must be blamed and obviously, it should be the church. Now had the scenerio been different and Osinachi opted for a separation or a divorce, these people would still have taken to Social Media to talk about how Christian marriages are a sham and the likes.

Recently, these social media armies against the church had Charlie Boy who has been married for 40 years applauded while denigrating Pastor Chris Okotie and Pastor Chris Oyakilome. But Charlie is “better” than the church and the world in that there is no hypocrisy in him. On his 40th wedding anniversary, he had this to say. “My 40 year old marriage has been a living hell many times”!

Keep in mind that the Church in itself is not the building, but humans who are committed to serving Christ. Perhaps, speaking out like Charlie may be all that is needed to have better marriages, for secrecy often times is the strength of abusers.

Now the best these humans can do is to offer advice and guidance. In the end, the decision is ours to make. Christ gave us the power of choice, which after over two thousand years is still constant.

We can only wonder what Osinachi thought was worth her life, but the sad truth remains she had a choice and she made her decision.
Now the ones who love her are left to deal with the pain of the choices she made.

But since the world needs something to talk about, let’s look at the rate of abuse and how much of a norm it has become.
Remember Bamise?
The beautiful young lady who was ABUSED then brutally murdered in a #BRT?

Ooh you think it’s just a coincidence?
How about our very famous Remi Tinubu? “Mother of modern Lagos” like her political fans will yell!

In July 2016, Senator Dino Melaye stood on the ground of the hallowed Red Chambers of the Senate of the Federal Republic of Nigeria to insult her, using vulgar words I’d rather not write for the sake of my readers who are minors.

Well, you all thought Remi deserved it. And hailed your Abuser in the Senate for a job well done! That day, the dignity of the Nigerian woman, wife, and mother was caricatured before the watching world.

For whatever reason, the world didn’t deem it fit for Dino Melaye to apologize to a woman. Days after, he marched on Bourdillon with pride to trample on the consciences of a nation who wouldn’t stand up for her women.

Oh, you felt it was for Asiwaju to defend his wife? No! Nigerians own the Senate where Remi was verbally and emotionally abused and not her husband. We failed Remi, Bamise and now Osinachi!

The truth is every woman in Nigeria is open to abuse, especially from the male gender, and we have been told countless times to stay put and deal with it.
They are men, they would flex muscles…
We are women, we should be understanding
Don’t provoke your husband they’ll say
Don’t argue with a male colleague, you should rather learn from them.

Growing up, my younger brother used to hit me a lot. I obviously didn’t have his physical strength, so I was no match for him.

My late mom, God bless her soul couldn’t do much other than shout at him and tell me how he was a “man” (boy though) and I shouldn’t “look for trouble”. Even our boys are initiated quite early into our cult of societal abuse where it proves they are men.
My Dad travelled a lot back then, so by the time he came home, the news was old and he would just have a talk with my brother.

But I remember the last time my brother hit me. It was after our mom’s demise. We had an argument as usual and he used his fist.
My dad came home that night and after I recounted the day’s experience, he dealt with my brother.
I don’t know what he did, but the magic worked.

I am a believer in the institution of marriage as exampled by Christ in His love for His church, an advocate for gender equality and freedom for women in the context of the scripture, but I have come to realize that while we encourage women to fight for their freedom, our desired results will not be achieved without the support of amazing men who are modelling Christ like my father, who have just the right magic wand to give male chauvinists a brain reset.

Shiloh Orerime Akinyemi writes under the pen name Shilly Pepper and can be reached via email address:
akinshiloh1@gmail.com

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