By Abdul-Azeez Suleiman

How wonderful it is to see our esteemed members of the Godswill Akpabio-led 10th National Assembly (NASS) making such responsible and transparent decisions when it comes to allocating billions and trillions of naira for “unknown projects”. It seems like just yesterday that Senator Abdul Ningi was suspended for false allegations of padding a mere ₦3.7 trillion in the budget.

Just when you thought they couldn’t outdo themselves in the art of budget padding, along comes the good old National Assembly, where transparency and accountability go to die with a whopping ₦6.6 trillion allocated to 20 ministries for “unknown projects”.

I mean, who needs to know where billions of taxpayers’ money is going, anyway? It’s not like the people have a right to know how their hard-earned cash is being spent. And why bother with pesky details like specific locations for projects or actual accountability measures? That’s just too much to ask from our esteemed lawmakers.

Take for example the Federal Ministry of Defence, where a mind-boggling ₦3,280,130,880,602 worth of projects are apparently floating around in some mysterious void. Who needs to know where all that money is going, anyway? It’s not like it’s important to have a clear understanding of how funds are being utilized in the defense of the nation.

And let’s not forget the Federal Ministry of Health, where a cool ₦146,215,196,278 worth of projects are just hanging out in the abyss of unknown locations.

Because who needs hospitals and medical facilities in specific areas, right? It’s much more fun to play a game of “guess where the money went” with the people’s healthcare.
But, dear citizens, Microxpressions Consult is here to remind the ministries of their duty to provide clear declarations on project locations. Because apparently, in a world where accountability and transparency are mere suggestions, it’s important to have at least one voice of reason calling for basic financial oversight.

According to the brilliant minds at Microxpressions Consult, a whopping ₦8,447,887,443,379 has been approved for capital projects of 20 federal ministries in this year’s Appropriation Act. And guess what? A hefty chunk of that, approximately 71.98% to be exact, has been allocated to initiatives that are as elusive as a unicorn in terms of traceability. How exciting! Who needs accountability anyway?

But wait, there’s more! Some of these projects are conveniently located outside the operational jurisdictions of the respective organizations. Because why bother with common sense when you can just throw money at projects that have no business being where they are?

And let’s not forget the delightful regional projects that have been aggregated into one big mess, making it nearly impossible to monitor where the funds are actually going. Oh, the joy of trying to track down where billions of naira have disappeared to!

But panic not, for our NASS has generously allocated funds to ministries such as Youths, Sports, Defence, Foreign Affairs, and many more, without bothering to specify where exactly these projects are taking place. Because who needs transparency when you can just throw money around like confetti at a party?

Here’s to the Nigerian National Assembly, where budget padding is an art form and transparency is a foreign concept. Cheers to another year of “unknown projects” and elusive accountability. At least we can always count on our lawmakers to keep us entertained with their creative budgeting techniques.

So, let us all raise a toast to our beloved NASS, the beacon of financial transparency and accountability in our great nation.

May their questionable decisions and elusive projects continue to baffle us for years to come.
Cheers to you, NASS, for showing us how it’s really done!