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All indigenous societies in the world have their accepted age long norms, rituals and principles relating to marriage. While the fine details of these principles vary from culture to culture, there are generally accepted and laid down guidelines for marriage in almost all indigenous societies including mine and yours, here in Africa.
While European principles of marriage vary by country, generally, marriage is understood as a union between two people, often with legal and social recognition. Many European countries have now recognized same-sex marriages or civil partnerships. They also believe in the equality of both parties in marriage.
Polygamy is unlawful in most parts of Europe in preference for monogamy. They don’t pay dowry. And while sections of Europe emphasize that marriage is a lifelong commitment, others view it as a relationship that can evolve or end; with some further viewing it as an outdated institution, while others see it as a valuable relationship.
There are also diverse divorce laws depending on the country in Europe. Some laws on divorce require fault-based grounds while others allow for no-fault divorce after a period of separation.
Many European countries offer legal separation as an alternative to divorce, allowing couples to live apart while remaining legally married. Now, that’s for majority of Europe and Europeans.
China had a dominant practice where marriages were arranged by families, with matchmakers playing a crucial role in introducing potential partners. Romantic love was not the primary factor in choosing a spouse, and couples often did not know each other well before the wedding. China has always been monogamous in marriage but their traditional system permitted concubines.
Families carefully considered social status, financial standing, and other factors when selecting a spouse for their children, prioritizing family lineage and social harmony. Respect for elders, particularly parents, was paramount, and their decisions regarding marriage were generally honored.
They pay dowry and betrothal gifts, including marriage proposal, name-asking, divination, gift-giving, date selection, and wedding ceremony, signifying the union of two families; not two people. While arranged marriages are now illegal and individual choice is more common, many traditional customs and ceremonies continue to be practiced, albeit with modifications.
While Christians argue that marriage in their own culture is monogamous, (even without a really convincing Bible text), Muslims are permitted to be polygamous. The divergence here is that Europeans are individualistic while indegenous people are communal. Africa is Ubuntu! I am because you are!
In Africa, marriage is generally understood as a union between families rather than just individuals, emphasizing lineage and community ties. It’s often seen as a rite of passage to adulthood and full community membership.
Marriage is celebrated and witnessed by the community, solidifying the union and establishing social obligations. We pay dowry in Africa to signify the alliance between the two families. Africa is generally polygamous by culture. Traditional gender roles often assign specific responsibilities to men and women within the marriage and family structure.
Though modern influences, including education, exposure to global cultures, and economic independence, are leading to shifts in marriage practices everywhere, it is important to note that, these influences and the massive attempt to encourage Africans to model their marriages after European marriages, when we are not the same peoples, has become the greatest threat to family life as we know it in Africa.
A typical African child coming of age today fantasizes about European styled marriage ceremonies and married life. They gaslight the concept of 50/50 and all those things that are alien to our culture. It is on record from statistics that, indigenous peoples have kept longer and enduring marriages than those who are not.
Not necessarily because of their nativity but because, while others see marriage as a transaction, native people see it more as a lifelong union to sustain human life and family lineages on Earth and it is guided by life long codes.
So marriage, like getting into the University, requires certain exams and attributes and sublime intricacies that only those who pass them successfully can enjoy their unions.
If you want to marry, marry according to the customs of where you come from. Don’t begin to tell us that marriage is better elsewhere and must be reformed to suit the type you want, merely because you are getting married. You are not the first to marry o jare!
I have not seen an infallible textbook or epistle on a successful marriage. Every couple will find their rythm. But there are cultural truisms for loving and lasting marriages.
Therefore, if you don’t want to marry but only want to prove that European styled marriage is more superior than our cultural values, you can either work for your money and build yourself a mansion, look for a sugar African spouse that also prefers the European test and you guys can leave your life together and stop confusing our young ones. Or migrate to Europe and do your thing.
But to hide under the name of feminism or globalism or under any other guise to try to redefine what marriage and family life in Africa and all other indigenous societies should be, is merely an attempt to defend your grant money and inferiority complex or you are an agent of the devil against the institution of marriage as we know it in Africa. We are different. We know how to marry. We have been marrying before the invaders came. If you want their style follow it. Don’t demonize our own model. I say make I talk am.
Yours sincerely,
Citizen Agba Jalingo.
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